My epiphany of love

I’ve been single for over a year now. Looking back on my dating experience, I’ve realised something of great importance in my life. I’m done dating. I can’t bare the thought of a temporary honeymoon love met immediately with the reality of untrue love. Each time I’d get into a relationship, I’d think that I’m getting closer to the real thing. Truth is, I was getting into them without taking the time to see if the woman wanted the same thing.

Maybe I just liked the idea of not being alone. Maybe I thought simply having a love life was all that mattered. Recently I’ve been rewatching How I Met Your Mother. Seeing Ted get obsessed and be relentless towards his love for Robin, made me realise I never felt that head over heels feeling. Well, I did once, but she didn’t feel the same way. Everytime I’d show her how I felt, she’d pull away just a little bit. I don’t know if it’s because I wanted something that I thought was genuine, or if maybe it just wasn’t.

The other thing I learned from all this is that it’s ok to be single for a while if you haven’t met the right person. Just because you want it as soon as you feel lonely, or that you are deserving of it, doesn’t mean you should have it. People may I ask why you’ve been single for so long, or set you up with someone, but it doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen sooner or at a certain time.

My whole life I tried to plan things, do my best to achieve certain things as quickly as possible. It’s clear that it’s because I was scared that my fear and resistance would prevent me from trying if I wait longer than my excitement will allow me to be courageous.

Love is something we all want, but it’s not something we all need through instant gratification. It doesn’t have to make sense, be concrete, or be a good feeling when our favorite song comes on the radio. Love is scary, rare, easy with the right person.

I don’t know when or how I’ll find true love, but I know I will.

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