All I Ever Had

You said life is meant to be unforeseeable

You said I can’t help myself

You said I don’t need help

You said  I shouldn’t complain

You were all I ever had

 

I was taught

I was taught that love

I was taught that love can’t be real

I was taught that love can’t be real if you force it

I was taught that love can’t be real if you force it to be real

 

It was implied life will be unyielding

Therefore I have no choice but to live

It was  suggested I give up

Yet here I am

It is questioned as to why I’m here

However, no fear or dubious thought has held me back

 

What is my biggest fear?

Is it commitment? 

Commitment to myself? Other’s I truly love?

Is it standing on my own?

You were all I ever had!

You are fear! Frustration! Infatuation! Morosity! Anger! Anger! Anger! Anger!

I question everything about you!

Why can’t you let me be? NO! Don’t leave me!

You are all I ever had! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

 

I look you dead in the eye

I have no more questions for you

No more wondering, morose feelings thickening 

And sticking itself to the walls of my heart

 

No need for therapy

I know how I feel about you

I know how you think

What you think of me

What I don’t know or will ever know

Is what to call our correlation

But I guess for now

You are all I’ll ever have

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